I never realized that this could be a real emotion until this very moment. Upon coming to the realization that I am in love, I just feel sad and alone.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
I should feel happy and all filled with fluttery butterflies, but because he isn't here and I can't ever tell him and I don't think he will ever feel the same way, I am stuck with this deep sad and empty feeling.
sigh.
it's so hard to tell myself to stop something when it feels good, until it's too late and I wished I had run away at the very first hint at my feelings. it's so easy to see it in retrospect.
if I die young, I hope he never reads this.
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